How to Provide Terrible Customer Service

THIS is the comprehensive guide on how to provide a terrible customer experience.  If your goal is to drive customers away, and inspire customers to only do business with one time, then this is for YOU.  Let’s get right to it…

To provide a terrible customer experience, it starts with attitude!

Remember, customers are extremely annoying.  They ask dumb questions, they constantly hassle you for a lower price, and they only care about themselves.  They deserve to have a bad experience.  Make sure to let them know with your tone of voice that you have WAY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS to be doing right.

Second, make sure they know how hard it’s going to be for you to help them.  I mean, really, this is going to be tough.  You’re going to have to find time in your schedule, send a technician out there to do an inspection, put all their information in the system… YEESH.  And even after all that, there is no guarantee they will proceed with the technician’s recommendations.  What a nightmare.

Make sure they know that. 

Third, assume you know what’s going on, and cut right to the chase.  When the customer tries to explain their situation, just move on and ask for their address.  After all, you’ve heard the same old story hundreds of times before… let’s just get to the part where they give you their address, you book the call, and hang up.

Fourth, empathy is for schmucks.  Seriously,  nobody wants you to show that you might actually care about their well-being.  All these people care about is saving money and getting their equipment fixed.  They’re savages, and we shouldn’t attempt to show any care or compassion.  Again, it’s just business.  Book the call, and move on.

Fifth, you need to be very clear about what you CANNOT DO.  If you can’t come today, let them know as soon as possible.  If what they are asking for is unreasonable, they should know that too.  Also, only do what they ask.  Don’t do anything more, and if you can, DEFINITELy do less.

Sixth, don’t ask what they want, tell them what you can do.  If they can’t be home for the time you have available to help, don’t even bother.  They should call and bother someone else.  You’re busy, and you have lots of other customers to take care of.  No need to bend over backwards for one measly customer.

Seventh, tell them how much you charge without giving any context.  If you charge $150 to come out, make sure they know that so we can be sure not to deal with any customers that have a problem with that.  Why would we want to do business with people who can’t afford that anyway?

Eighth and final, let them know who’s boss.  You make the rules, you set the conditions, not them.  If they have a problem with that or if they ask for more than what they deserve, don’t give it to them.  Let them know how you work, what this whole process is going to look like, and what the consequences are should they choose not to do business with you in the end.

Look, it’s pretty simple.  Customers are a hassle, and they should be treated as such.  They ask so many questions, they cause so many problems, and… they are ANNOYING.  Make sure they know how you feel.

The best part?  This is all super easy to do.  Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

 Zac Garside is the Marketing Manager for Power Selling Pros and the membership manager of Power Certification HQ.  When he is not working, he loves reading about marketing and why people do what they do.  He’s also passionate about the Philadelphia Eagles… but that is a tender subject this season.

Connect with Zac on LinkedIn.

(Visited 4 times, 1 visits today)